Life is hard. Period. It's an ever-challenging test of balance and priorities. I never realized that more than I have since I went back to work.
I love being a CRNP, no questions about it. I love being able to meet people from all different walks of life. I love listening to them and I love helping them achieve optimal health. I loved being a CRNP so much that I used to arrive at work at least an hour early and stay as late as I had to get things done. I was always on the edge of my seat, waiting to leap up and go above and beyond.
I don't do that anymore.
I don't do that anymore because I love something else more. What I love more is being a mom. Without question, it's the most difficult but rewarding thing I could ever imagine partaking in in my life. I don't feel like I ever get a break, but then, I don't really want one, either.
Here's my daily schedule now:
~0200: baby wakes up. Baby gets changed, fed and put back to sleep.
~0500: baby wakes up again. Baby gets changed, fed and put into bed with Daddy to snooze for a little while longer. Mommy smirks at Daddy and Daddy's mini-me, snuggled in the bed.
~0530-0645: I shower, get ready, eat breakfast and pack my lunch. Baby cries while Mommy is trying to get ready, so Mommy tries to wake up Daddy enough to pay attention to him. I try to find something that fits my postpartum chunk. I hope my socks match and that I don't end up with mascara in my hair. I've already done that twice this week. I also had on brown pants with black shoes all day today before I got home and realized it.
~0650: baby gets up again and gets changed again. It's too early to eat, so baby gets a new outfit and gets put on his piano mat to play. Mommy sings crazy songs to baby and Daddy teases Mommy. He doesn't realize that I learned all these songs from MY mom, and that my goal is for baby to sing the same songs to HIS kids, someday.
~0700: leave for work . . . and cry a little inside at the thought of leaving my baby.
~1500-2000, depending on the day: I leave work, often without saying goodbye to anyone. As terrible as it sounds, I feel I shouldn't "waste" the 10 seconds it takes to close out the day when I could be getting home to my baby that much sooner. To everyone at FCLP, I'm sorry, it's nothing personal. Consider me a selfish mommy.
~1700: I make supper, start a load of laundry, wash bottles, feed the baby, change the baby, play with the baby. If she's lucky, the dog gets some attention, too. Sorry, cat, it's not your day.
~1900: tubby time with the baby!
~1930: final feeding before bed. Daddy reads us a Bible story and an additional fun story. Daddy wonders how Mommy has most of the Dr. Seuss books memorized already.
~2000: bedtime for baby!
~2000-2200: more chores, errands and spending time with the hubby. Sometimes I will use this time to catch up on emails (or blogging). Other times I fall asleep on the couch as I think about how I need to exercise more regularly.
As chaotic as every day has been, I wouldn't trade being a mom for the world. There's nothing better than getting home from a long day and snuggling with my baby as he nurses.
Well, there's one thing that's about as nice . . .
. . . seeing this sweet face learn something new all the time . . . and
. . . .watching his face light up when he realizes just how much Mommy and Daddy love him.